Thursday, September 11, 2008
Home sick.....home ill.....home everything!
So I'm gonna be honest, these past weeks have been tough! This is rather atypical of me since I usually love traveling, meeting new people, exploring, etc etc. This time around, its a bit different. Maybe its because of my small town, my all-in-one bathroom/toilet/shower, abandonment of my vegetarian ways, lack of football/basketball. Well, really its just the isolation and loneliness. I am staying at a guest house (actually its a Boy Scouts Guest House created by Dutch scouts...don't ask me how/why...I just live there). The monotony of life is setting in: wake up, breakfast, walk to work at 7, walk back at 5:15, jump rope and do push-ups, eat dinner, play scrabble, watch tv, repeat. I've sought advice from other vols and it seems the 1st month is always really tough and critical to get through. Basically you just have to go day by day and things usually end up getting better. I hope this is true! I am fortunate enough though to have met a girl staying here at Scouts who is on rotation at the hospital. We at least can have dinner together and play scrabble. Also, my colleague at work, Cate, has been a great person I can confide and share my feelings with. I've really learned to take joy in the small things of life. It may be just taking a walk, a smile, saying hi to a person, etc. It also makes me realize how my life in the US was so full of distractions. It was so easy not to face challenges or do things you didn't want to because there were alternatives (like my sports, numerous restaurants, a car to drive places, cultural events in Houston, etc.). Since I don't have those things here, its kind of a rude awakening. It has been a long time since I've actually just been alone....really alone...and just really see yourself. Its both interesting and difficult to see who I am ...alone...out of context...out of my comfort zone. I hope this slump turns for the better as time goes on. At least that's what most people say.